No longer a bastard! Weeeee!
I went to Puerto Rico this past weekend (just a short Friday-to-Sunday stint) to be at my parents' church wedding (well, technically a vow renewal, as they got married by a justice of the peace 30 years ago). I guess this means I am no longer the Hell-bound bastard fruit of a Godless marriage, yeay! Well, I suppose it's still debatable whether I am still Hell-bound, or a bastard for that matter (feel free to post your opinions on either account). ;-)
The ceremony was nice, short, and just for the handful of close friends and family that attended. The day before the actual wedding, during the rehearsal, the priest roped my sister and me into doing some readings during the ceremony: and I thought I just came to walk Mom down the aisle and eat good food and cake! I guess God moves in mysterious ways (mainly because His representatives on Earth are quite sneaky)!
The funniest part of the ceremony was when the priest read a passage that insinuated that my Mom, over 60 years old, was "fertile soil," which I guess is priest-speak for "barren rocky terrain where not even cacti would grow." I think some of the passages should be tailored to the people being wed (the whole part about raising their children in the Church was particularly laughable: I am sorry to say that that ship has sailed, gotten lost at sea, and eaten by a sea serpent).
The reception was held at our house and I have to say I had a good time, as I got to see many relatives that I barely get to see anymore (the worst of which, in small doses, are still fun to be with). I did get plagued by the same question over and over: "So, when are you getting married?" Ok, let me state this plainly: that is ostensibly the stupidest question ever. Unless I had an actual fiancé, a wedding date, and the law on my side, the inevitable answer to that question is "I don't know": what answer are they actually expecting?
I am used to being asked that question by elderly folk: it seems that after a couple of generation gaps there are really very few topics of conversation that may be broached, from the banal (like the weather) to the horribly personal. I was surprised, however, that I was also asked the same question by other unmarried cousins, some younger, one about my age, and one even slightly older. My staple answer (since with the younger relatives I could afford to be more of my own smart-ass self) was: "Five days after you get married" (hopefully by then they will have forgotten all about it)! It was funny because, since my sister is getting married in December, even the priest had asked me: I felt quite tempted to say: "Well, never, if your Church has anything to say about it!", but visions of fire and brimstone danced in my head and I decided to keep my trap shut.
I also found it curious that whenever an older relative asked and I said, as politely as I could, that I don't know (not being a prescient seer and all), they always seemed a bit embarrassed to have asked and quickly replied that it was all right, that there was no hurry, and that I should just enjoy my bachelorhood (as if I had indicated any discontent in not being married), which leads me to ask why they were so intent in asking in the first place... but what can you do, right? Family: can't live with 'em, can't kill them and bury them in the cellar because there are no cellars in Puerto Rico.
And with that lovely murderous thought, I bid you adieu. :-)
The ceremony was nice, short, and just for the handful of close friends and family that attended. The day before the actual wedding, during the rehearsal, the priest roped my sister and me into doing some readings during the ceremony: and I thought I just came to walk Mom down the aisle and eat good food and cake! I guess God moves in mysterious ways (mainly because His representatives on Earth are quite sneaky)!
The funniest part of the ceremony was when the priest read a passage that insinuated that my Mom, over 60 years old, was "fertile soil," which I guess is priest-speak for "barren rocky terrain where not even cacti would grow." I think some of the passages should be tailored to the people being wed (the whole part about raising their children in the Church was particularly laughable: I am sorry to say that that ship has sailed, gotten lost at sea, and eaten by a sea serpent).
The reception was held at our house and I have to say I had a good time, as I got to see many relatives that I barely get to see anymore (the worst of which, in small doses, are still fun to be with). I did get plagued by the same question over and over: "So, when are you getting married?" Ok, let me state this plainly: that is ostensibly the stupidest question ever. Unless I had an actual fiancé, a wedding date, and the law on my side, the inevitable answer to that question is "I don't know": what answer are they actually expecting?
I am used to being asked that question by elderly folk: it seems that after a couple of generation gaps there are really very few topics of conversation that may be broached, from the banal (like the weather) to the horribly personal. I was surprised, however, that I was also asked the same question by other unmarried cousins, some younger, one about my age, and one even slightly older. My staple answer (since with the younger relatives I could afford to be more of my own smart-ass self) was: "Five days after you get married" (hopefully by then they will have forgotten all about it)! It was funny because, since my sister is getting married in December, even the priest had asked me: I felt quite tempted to say: "Well, never, if your Church has anything to say about it!", but visions of fire and brimstone danced in my head and I decided to keep my trap shut.
I also found it curious that whenever an older relative asked and I said, as politely as I could, that I don't know (not being a prescient seer and all), they always seemed a bit embarrassed to have asked and quickly replied that it was all right, that there was no hurry, and that I should just enjoy my bachelorhood (as if I had indicated any discontent in not being married), which leads me to ask why they were so intent in asking in the first place... but what can you do, right? Family: can't live with 'em, can't kill them and bury them in the cellar because there are no cellars in Puerto Rico.
And with that lovely murderous thought, I bid you adieu. :-)
posted by El Rata | 10:24 PM
2 Comments:
If you are married they will ask constantly when are you going to have children. And not just family, people you just met for some reason ask the same question. I think its pretty universal.
Thanks for the post, Eli (yes, I will uncover your cowardly anonymity, bwahahaha!). :-D
I guess you're right: people always find ways to be intrusive and annoying regardless of how closely related they are to you!
You should tell them that God has cursed you by making you barren, and thank them for reminding you of your burden. That'll make them shut their cake-holes! ;-)
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