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Rafa's Corner of Nonsense

Hello to all who, for lack of a better thing to do, have stumbled onto my blog. :-) Here you can expect moments of nonsense, moments of ramblings, moments of "oh sh1t, Rafa's on his soapbox, everybody down!", moments of introspection, moments of wisdom, and, of yeah, moments of absolute nonsense. :-) Enjoy!

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

New term: "Str8jacket"

In my never-ending quest to coin a phrase (see my previous, and seemingly failed, attempt at coining the term "booger argument"), here I come again (like Whitesnake, but with less drug-induced brain damage) to introduce the term:

str8jacket: n. self-imposed constraint that prevents heterosexual men from showing emotion, feelings for anything other than sports, or affinity towards cleanliness or fashion

Case in point: the straight-man hug. Have you ever seen two heterosexual guys hug? It's a delicious exercise in awkwardness and unintentional entertainment factor. The chests, if they touch, must be separated by the arm they keep in front of themselves; the pelvis juts out to prevent any kind of potentially sexual groin-area contact; the arm on the other guy's back must never hold tight, but only pat the back in a pattern that, if you listen closely, seems to be Morse code for "I like poon-tang."

Another good example is the organic impossibility of straight men of admitting they find other guys attractive because if they did I can only assume they think they'd automatically become rabid pillow-biters and would have to like flavored coffees and listen to Erasure. How is it that gay men can objectively find beauty in women, having grown up, after all, in the same society and having the same "ideals" of beauty reinforced throughout their lives, while straight men are unable to?

At least now there is this concept of "metrosexuality" (whose origin and etymology I find somewhat mysterious), which is some modern men's outlet for expressing their appreciation for cleanliness, fashion and grooming without having people assume that they watch baseball just for the tight uniforms. Metrosexual men have truly broken free of their str8jackets (more likely than not to further confuse most gay men's gaydar)!

Anyhoo, if any of you can think of other examples of men confined to their str8jackets, please post them! :-D

PS. I spelled it "str8jacket" instead of "straightjacket" because:

(a) It's shorter and I'm lazy, damnit
(b) It can be considered "l337" and thus, immediately cooler to geeks, and I'm a geek, damnit
(c) I felt like it, and it's my blog, damnit


Blogger Angelica said...

In 1994, I won a go-cart race against two of my male cousins. To this day, they will not admit that I won. The str8jacket does not allow men to admit when they have been beaten by a woman. It doesn't matter if it's cards, games, sports, or "friendly" bets...a man will not admit defeat. What I don't think that men realize is that this absolutely crushes our self esteem.

In the end, you're going to win some and lose some. Be man enough to support your woman (friend, sister) and admit when you have been beaten!!!

12:29 PM  
Blogger El Rata said...

That's actually a good example: the str8jacket also seems to reinforce the viewpoint that a guy's manliness is somehow tied to his athletic prowess, and being "beaten by a girl" is a sure-fire way to lose them gonads in a jiffy.

Tell your cousins that your friend Rafa said that it's been scientifically proven that their dicks won't, in fact, fall off, if they admit you kicked their asses in a go-cart race (and that I have a blog, and people with blogs don't lie). :-D

[That last part isn't true, but I'm sure your cousins won't know that I'm quite a gifted liar].

1:24 PM  

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